the fall funk

Every year around this time, I get sad. Everyone is all excited about school starting and fall clothes and pumpkin spice lattes, but I usually just get sad. There are lots of reasons I guess.

The increasing darkness makes it sad. Shorter days means less time to soak up sunshine, less time to be outside, coming home earlier, wanting to sleep more.

Everything starts moving faster too.... busy busy busy time. .... which is hard because the darkness makes it feel like you have less time already.... overwhelming.

Also, people get all excited about seeing their families during the fall. I guess fall makes people think about homecomings or makes them anticipate the holidays... but we usually get left behind as everyone goes to see their "real family". .... so that is sad too.

Skinny jeans are popular in fall, and it seems to me that those make everyone feel fat and like they can't bend their knees.... but we are pressured to wear them anyway. Why do we do that to each other?  Sad.

Fall is also job application season, which only means that my entire career, the next 50 years of financial stability, and the possibility of having (or not having) kids is resting on a few documents and phones call and one conference trip.... so no pressure there.

And mostly, I miss my mom the most in fall. I woke up this morning from a dream where she was still alive. I read a blog post from a mom to a daughter promising that she'll always be there, but what happens when she's not? My memories of my mom become much more powerful and much sadder in fall. I really wish I could forget the last 3 months of her life and remember her more as she was before she was sick. Also, my mom loved fall..... so it's hard for me. Kevin's mom also died in the fall, so we both get into a funk. Our birthdays (both in October) are usually overshadowed by the funk.

So....I guess all this is just to say, if you run into me in the next few months, be a little gentle. I'm fragile at this time of year.